brand new love for little things.

good morning to all you sunshines out there.

i've been meaning to post recently but they asked me for overtime on Wednesday which pushed everything i wanted to do way back. plus, Thursday i was in the worst mood ever. so now that i have a chance, let's start posting again. :]

well, first off, my bad mood had a a lot to do with this whole epic journey. there's a certain person in my life (she wishes to remain nameless, but she will know it's her if she reads this) and it has been three years since i met them. and from the moment we really became friends, i've had nothing but grand thoughts about her. she was so much of what i thought i wanted. she had a fantastic smile and these wonderfully cute cheeks. she always told me her eyes and her hair were boring because they were just brown, but i thought her hair and her eyes were just two more spectacular features. she had a great laugh and a hilarious sneeze. we could be weird (we stand in the pool instead of swim) and we could be adorable (we had a fake proposal downtown in the park). i am fairly comfortable in saying that i love this person.

but i don't want to anymore. three years of trying and i was rejected twice this summer from a girl who really likes me back, or at least told me she did. let me be clear that i understand her reasonings for saying no. it is not that i don't believe her reasoning, i simply feel that they are not as important as she claims. i have thought about the same things and understand how i feel also. three years waiting is too much.

so, i woke up that morning just angry. didn't have any particular reason. i spent a lot of time alone that day and thankfully, it helped and i may have found a solution. too much of my actions depends on this girl. i live and breath to make her happy and to seem like the sweetest guy ever. for what? well to impress, of course. but for how long? certainly not forever.

regardless of how much and like and love this person, time changes. and so do feelings.

now, when i woke up this morning, i was unexpectedly happy. i haven't seen or really talked to this girl in days and i am in such a better mood because of it. i opened the cupboard to get out the bag of coffee grounds and i just stood there smelling the scents from the cupboard. i played with my dog a little bit and gave her her breakfast. i ate trix yogurt. this is the best morning all week because i am finally feeling free.

we must learn something from these events. it is something i've preached before: when feelings like mine are involved, you cannot be demoted to a friend right away. same goes for breakups. everyone wants to try to be friends. you can't. not while those feelings are still there. one of you is still resentful and wants the other. friends can't live like that.

i am a happy person this morning. i love the little things in my life. i am learning to be free.

have a super weekend everyone. goodbye for now.